How to become a confident person – 25 tips
- 1 Tip 1 – Do not try to get rid of the doubt, live with them!
- 2 Tip 2 – Know the time when faith in yourself leaves you
- 3 Tip 3 – Know your strengths
- 4 Tip 4 – Do not listen to people who say “you do not get”
- 5 Tip 5 – when doubt yourself, think about the “ideal self”
- 6 Tip 6 – Remember, it all depends on you
- 7 Tip 7 – Stop being paranoid
- 8 Tip 8 – Listen to others
- 9 Tip 9 – Get rid of perfectionism
- 10 Tip 10 – Do not be afraid of people
- 11 Tip 11 – Do not have to look better than you
- 12 Tip 12 – Do not be too modest
- 13 Tip 13 – showed confidence
- 14 Tip 14 – Be helpful
- 15 Tip 15 – Be sincere
- 16 Tip 16 – Do not overestimate the role of external data
- 17 Tip 17 – Do not be shy!
- 18 Tip 18 – to help people
- 19 Tip 19 – Not looking for every time a problem
- 20 Tip 20 – Ask yourself: So what?
- 21 Tip 21 – to hold opinions
- 22 Tip 22 – Learn from life
- 23 Tip 23 – to develop themselves
- 24 Tip 24 – accept their shortcomings
- 25 Tip 25 – Do not wait until you get confident – act
Readers of my blog often ask me the question: “how to become a confident person.” In this article, I will answer this question.
Self-confidence is determined by our subjective perception of themselves, their capabilities and skills, our psycho-emotional state, our beliefs and internal installations. In addition, this quality is based on our actual skills.
When you do something good at, and, at the same time, the reality has demonstrated many times to you that you really do well in this skill, food to doubt his ability you have less.
If you have never had a problem in communication, if you have always been able to articulate thoughts, be interesting to talk to and you always saw a good impression to other people, to doubt myself in the interlocutor, it will be difficult.
But things are not always so simple. Often we do not have an adequate assessment of our skills, and regardless of what we can do, and do not know how, we still doubt yourself.
I will give you 25 tips on how to become self-confident. Confidence regard to various aspects. Firstly, it is self-confidence in their capabilities, their endeavors. Secondly, it is confidence in the process of communication, which is expressed in the firmness, perseverance and lack of shyness. Third, it is the perception of your real qualities. Developing these qualities, you can be confident in them.
In his advice, I will address all of these components. I’m not going to share tips on the criterion of their attitude to these multiple levels of confidence. After all, self-confidence is associated, for example, to communicate with confidence. All of these tips are interrelated and will suit a man who is afraid to talk, and the man who doubts their ability or can not defend their own point of view.
Nevertheless, I will try to sustain a line with first advice relating to the work on the avoidance of doubt, then will go advice on confidence in communication, and only then I will talk about the acquisition of some personal skills.
Tip 1 – Do not try to get rid of the doubt, live with them!
When I started to write articles for the site, I was tormented whole lot of doubt: “What if I fail to write, and suddenly my advice will not be useful to anyone, suddenly no one will read my site, my thoughts suddenly seem foolish, etc. “
At the same time, I was reading a book by G. Hesse – The Glass Bead Game. And awaken faith in myself helped me one sentence from this book. “… His doubts did not stop at all, he already knew from experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they cause each other as inhaling and exhaling …”
Some of my readers may think that this will be followed my phrase, “I read it, and, at this moment, all my doubts miraculously resolved!”
No, my doubts have not disappeared. Just a quote from the book helped me to finally make sure of what I can only guess. Doubts, uncertainty logical and natural. They accompany any initiatives. They are not always possible to run away. There is nothing wrong in the fact that I doubt. Moreover, it’s okay, because I started to do something new, unusual and ambitious for themselves. So my first task – it does not resolve doubts, but just to do their job, not listening to the voice of uncertainty when it bothers me.
The fact is that in a lot of cases, doubts are only emotions that have nothing to do with reality. If you think that you have something does not work, it does not mean that it is you really do not get if you do your best.
If you think that you do not understand what will laugh at you, that does not mean that everything will be just that.
Doubt and confidence constantly replace each other. This transient phenomenon. If you want to test this thesis, remember times when you are in some doubt, and the next day had been so sure as ever. And if you do not remember, just watch out for a few days, pay attention to how confident are constantly replaced by uncertainty. Usually people are more confident in the morning when they are full of energy, than in the evening, when they leave the forces.
Confidence depends on your tone, your mood and even your health. It’s just one of the emotional states, which comes and goes. Of course, this does not mean that you should just ignore this condition in each case. Sometimes it to you about something may say, for example, that you overestimate your strength. Sometimes, it just how you can get rid of the interference of internal restrictions that prevent you to achieve your goals.
But in other cases, you should just stop listening to the voice of doubt and act. I doubt yourself – this is normal, and sometimes it even helps to get rid of a great self-confidence. But doubts should not get in the way of all of your endeavors.
I want to say that to become self-confident, it does not mean never doubt yourself. Be confident in yourself means perebaryvat their doubts and fears!
If you want to know, I still often doubted myself, but I did make an impression insecure person? If I stop every time faced with doubts, you would not have seen almost no articles on this website.
Tip 2 – Know the time when faith in yourself leaves you
Pay attention to the fact that, in some situations, you usually unsure. If you find yourself in this kind of a pattern, it does not give it much importance.
For example, I noticed that I was starting to doubt myself greatly in their endeavors, in their words, in their thoughts just before going to bed, when I start to fall asleep. I’m used to it and when insecurity visits me again, I meet her as an old friend: “Here they are, the evening doubt, as usual.”
I can not say that I completely ignore the voice, but when I listen to it and I make allowances for the fact that it is usual for this time of the day’s emotional state. And if this time I doubt that I said, it does not mean that I did not really right.
On the contrary, I usually am confident, sometimes even too much. And evening morning doubts balance confidence and evening so the doubting voice I Do not abandon, just make amendments.
Learn to pay attention to the time that comes the nature of doubt, depending on your current status. Remember, in any moments of uncertainty attends you. And if it happens all the time and you see this pattern, lower the doubt “in the price”.
Also use the moments of “confidence” in order to destroy their doubts. Think about what you are in doubt when you’re on the rise of energy and strength. This will help you to decide something.
Tip 3 – Know your strengths
Sometimes if I’m tired or upset about something, some malevolent one comment on the website can kill in seconds for a while confidence in what I do. (Although lately it happens less and less often. Do not comment, and uncertainty.)
And at this moment for me no matter what I am for a few minutes before that in no doubt. Also, it does not matter to me that the reality has repeatedly demonstrated the correctness of me what I’m doing.
People tend to overestimate the importance of this point in time, and they extrapolate their current state of the global perspective of life. If it now seems that no matter what they are capable of any, they are beginning to think that it has always been, despite all the past successes.
At such moments, just try to look at reality, its real possibilities and achievements, without succumbing to the current state. Like, “in fact, I can, and this is something I can do and what I have achieved this and that.”
For example, when I start to doubt his ideas, I think, my site has helped many people, as to me they have already written, it regularly read and leave appreciative comments, someone because of my advice quit smoking and learned to cope with depression, panic attacks etc.
At such moments, I’m not trying to praise myself, but just looking at the facts, to regain an adequate representation of reality.
And I recommend you stay at the facts and do not argue with ourselves. If your doubts are caused by your current mood (fatigue, irritation), you will most likely not be able to get rid of them until this condition will not pass.
Therefore, your task will be easy to convince ourselves that these doubts are unfounded and do not refer to reality (you need to deal with them as well as with obsessive thoughts).
And if you start to think too much about it, then your mind, bound state of fatigue, doubt, and will continue to lead you to the uncertainty. So just tell yourself that these concerns lie. Rely on reality, not on emotion. Not much help? Nothing happens. Then just forget about it and do not think about the doubts. They will be with your bad mood.
Tip 4 – Do not listen to people who say “you do not get”
It happens that when you are in some doubt, share your plans with your friends, acquaintances. You expect to receive their support in his new endeavor, but often get only stoplight.
Some people just are not able to dispel your doubts because they care about their own psychological comfort rather than your happiness.
You do not think you’re the only insecure people, and you are surrounded only self confidence people? Unfortunately, most people did not dare to something bold and independent. They want to believe that if they do something does not work, then you do not get.
They secretly wish your failure and even waiting for him. Because your success can become a living reproach to them, as a reminder of missed opportunities.
Imagine that you have decided to start their own business, and advice from the man who most of his life working on mercenary work. What advice do you expect from him? Rather, he will say that you will not work (because it did not work at it), and you run the risk that you do not need to go into this area, and continue to live a normal life and go to work every day.
Therefore, the Council about its undertakings with those people who have already achieved some success in the sphere of which you want to get advice. Learn from them, and not with those who did not succeed.
Tip 5 – when doubt yourself, think about the “ideal self”
Often, our uncertainty in trying to fraudulently impersonate the arguments of common sense. For example, you are afraid to approach a girl or young man and invite him or her out.
You say to yourself, do not fear holds you, and some objective obstacles. Do you think this person is you deny that he has someone already there, that you’re not his type, and therefore it makes no sense to call him out on a date and spend their time.
But, really, you’re just afraid and do not want to admit to his fear of coming up with excuses. How do you know that you are holding it fear?
Form in his mind the image of the “ideal self”, which is not afraid of anything and is always confident. It is a perfect copy of you. Think how it would be received at your location? Is it not even tried to get my way?
But even if it is “ideal I” decided to invite another person for a date, it does not mean that it is obliged to do you. You are not perfect. But when you realize that, ideally, it would be necessary to drop doubt and act, you realize that all that is holding you back – it’s just your fear and any other restrictions. The problem immediately lose the complexity that you have assigned to it. With this understanding, you will be much easier to decide on something.
To learn more about the method of “ideal self” in my article how to move from thought to action.
Tip 6 – Remember, it all depends on you
At the time, as you are plagued by doubts: “I have nothing to turn out,” “I’m no good for anything”, “I can not, and so on,” remember that everything depends on your will. You decide what will you do something or fail. If you want and show diligence, it will succeed. And even if not, you try something else.
You are a free people, and no innate qualities, character traits does not prevent you to achieve your and become the kind of person you want to be get out of life what you want. Your will is subject to a lot more things than you used to think.
It should stop seeing restrictions where they do not exist. Do not be afraid of difficulties, just start to act.
Tip 7 – Stop being paranoid
The following are some tips to touch the problem of lack of confidence in communication.
The fact that I want to tell you at this point, I wrote in the article, the power of decision, and here I will repeat once again. Do not think that all the people around constantly watching you, noticing all of your flaws and remembering all your words. People are obsessed with their problems. Most of the time they think about themselves, even when they pretend that you are listening.
So sit back and relax. There’s no reason to be afraid of public speaking and communication. People pay a lot less attention to you than you think about it.
Tip 8 – Listen to others
This advice I give in many of its articles. Here I will give it for the following reason. If you learn to direct attention to someone else besides yourself, your mind will be less puzzled by the fact that the capacity to fear and tormented by doubts. You stop thinking about yourself endlessly, about how you look, speak and think of you.
You will look at other people, communicate with them. You are distracted from their fears, and see other people a lot of things that they had not noticed. You will realize that between you and other people have more in common than differences. And so it is not necessary to be afraid of anyone.
Tip 9 – Get rid of perfectionism
You are not perfect. And no one is perfect. Accept it. So do not react badly to their mistakes and failures that undermine your self-confidence. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s okay.
So comfortable with their errors. If you feel that you have done something wrong or said something not that easy to draw conclusions from this situation, take a lesson. Try to avoid this error in the future, rather than worry about how you have behaved foolishly.
Err peculiar people, there is nothing to worry about.
Tip 10 – Do not be afraid of people
People around you are likely to have many shortcomings and weaknesses, even if you look very confident. Do not think that they find themselves in the community, you get in the position of small fish surrounded by sharks. In fact, you might surround the same meek and doubt yourself people, how you think you are. Even if they try to hide it.
Do not be afraid of people, especially if they can not cause you any harm. Do not be shy in front of the chiefs, women or men, and colleagues. They are people just like you.
Tip 11 – Do not have to look better than you
Do not climb out of their way to convince people that you are the smartest, most sophisticated, most erudite, the most “correct”. Such attempts are usually talking about the uncertainty of some of their qualities. When you are not too sure in your mind, you’re trying to make him believe other people.
Therefore, in some cases, vanity, showing off, excessive assertiveness in communicating can talk about internal self-doubt.
So stop and strive to show off to impress each person. First of all, you have to convince yourself that you stand for something. Be who you are, talking to other people.
Tip 12 – Do not be too modest
Undoubtedly, reasonable modesty is a virtue. No need to look better than you are, but worse than you are, and you should not pretend to be. Everything has to have a limit. Do not hesitate to speak frankly about its virtues, if you ask about them (for example, at the interview).
If you are not afraid to talk about their strengths, it shows your confidence in these qualities. And when other people see that you are confident in themselves, they are confident in you. They think, “I can see that this person does not doubt, and if he does not doubt, then, most likely, he had nothing to doubt, and I, too, can be sure of it.”
And if other people praise your qualities, not being embarrassed, take their compliments, as if you deserve it. Thank people for the kind words in your address.
Tip 13 – showed confidence
Despite the fact that a little earlier in the article, I advise to be yourself and do not pretend to be, all the same, I recommend to portray confidence in those situations when you feel the lack of this quality.
First, look confident, simply good for the reason that the people themselves become more confident in you. It is a fact that insecure people less than love and respect.
Secondly, when you just pretend that you believe in yourself, you actually become self-confident. Very often feelings of uncertainty, doubts have nothing to do with your actual qualities. It’s just the emotions that can be overcome. And when you instead of having to go at them on occasion, try to do something else, you take them under control.
Tip 14 – Be helpful
Smile more interested in the problems of others cheered them. It is located to you buddy. And when people are located in relation to you, then it’s easier to maintain confidence.
Tip 15 – Be sincere
Do not turn in on themselves, to talk openly about their views and thoughts, if the situation allows it and will not infringe other people’s comfort.
Before, when I was a diffident man, I always something to keep in mind, not letting go of you. But it did not help me to have faith in yourself, but quite the contrary, only contributed to the fact that I had lost. As a result, I became very self open. It seems to me that for their loved ones, I always in full view.
On the one hand, I’m sure in my mind, so just talk about them. On the other hand, I am not afraid that I will not understand or criticize. I’m not afraid to admit his own wrong, to give up their beliefs, if someone convince me.
I find it interesting to discuss with people on topics that worry me, to learn someone else’s opinion, expanding their horizons.
When I speak of myself aloud, when I submit to the court its universal thought, I have to remove all doubt, once I do it. But such action helps to be more confident, because I expose themselves to test the ability to receive criticism and encounter someone else’s opinion. Under the influence of these factors blooms faith in yourself!
Do not wait until someone will pour you the first soul to open my soul to this man. Take the first step (though the circumstances have to be appropriate, it is not necessary to pour out the soul unnecessarily. To begin a genuine dialogue must be delicately as possible, eliminating all barriers). Be honest with someone, and then the source will be frank with you. And when someone will meet you, then your belief in yourself to grow!
Tip 16 – Do not overestimate the role of external data
Of course, the appearance has some value, but charisma, wit and charm – mean much more! 😉
Tip 17 – Do not be shy!
Speak clearly. Look into the eyes of the interlocutors do not make unnecessary gestures with his hands. Do not wrinkle your fingers, do not pick the lips, not “eeeekayte.” Just take care of yourself, the position of your body, sharpen your skills, and then, sooner or later, it will start to have obtained.
Get rid of shyness, throw away all thoughts that prevent you decide on something important. Eliminate internal barriers. Just proceed, stepping over the fear and uncertainty!
Tip 18 – to help people
If people will appreciate your help, they will appreciate your experience, your knowledge and skills. They will answer to the aid of gratitude and support. They believe in you. And if you believe in yourself!
Tip 19 – Not looking for every time a problem
I have always said that in many cases have to take responsibility for themselves and not to burden it to other people or external circumstances. But it should be properly understood.
This means that you yourself can solve it, what will be your life, and not to throw their fate to their factors beyond the control of you. I did not mean to say that the problem should be sought only in itself.
If people you do not understand, do not support the theme you pick up in the conversation, it does not always mean that you are to blame only. Sometimes it is a problem to other people, not yours.
There are people that you can not understand. There are those who scoff at all, because they have such a character. There are people who always criticize everything because they are angry at the world.
Not all the people you will be able to find a common language. There’s no getting around it. No need to blame yourself that is not your fault.
Tip 20 – Ask yourself: So what?
This advice I gave in other articles. Let’s do it again.
Do you think you made a bad impression, but so what? What is the difference that you think about other people? So we should not worry about it, if you see them for the first time in the future will not have much contact with them.
Are you afraid that you will give up the girl, if you invite her out on a date. Even if you fail, so what? What’s the difference? Why this fear? What’s the point?
Are you afraid of your boss? Why are you afraid of him? What you can do it? He is a man like you. Children in kindergarten, is afraid of his tutor. Do not be a baby.
You scared to go to a job interview? You scared to ask for more pay? Are you afraid that bad of you think? Why you should care that you think about? Let them think what they want. Do you have your plans and your goals. Some absurd fears should not stand in their way.
If so, you train yourself to ask these questions every time you feel fear and doubt, you will see that many situations do not deserve to have to worry about them. It makes no sense to be afraid of people who can not cause you any harm. There is no point shy himself.
The thoughts of other people about you will be only their thoughts. Who cares what happens in their heads?
Tip 21 – to hold opinions
Keep a firm stance and rigid views regarding some things. Do not hurry to agree with everything. The firm position – does not mean blind obstinacy in opinion. It also does not mean that you should always aggressively defend their opinion, lead many pointless arguments (though in some cases, have to be protected).
That means to have a solid, reasonable, well-considered position, a set of their own principles, which will not be able to shake each random opinion.
I’m sure that I’m doing the right thing by supporting the website and filling it with articles. I am convinced that meditation is beneficial, and the people are deprived of many benefits if abandon the practice. I’m sure that people are responsible for their own shortcomings. I am sure that everyone can change yourself.
I have strong principles and beliefs upon which my words and actions, and so I’m sure these words and actions. This belief helps me to keep doing what I’m doing. Sometimes it is beginning to overshadow the clouds of doubt, but these clouds can always see the sun, because it does not disappear.
Form your stance. Understand what you want from life. Think about your principles, stick to them, but avoid obstinacy, blind passion and rejection of another’s opinion! Be reasonable balance between a healthy stubbornness and spinelessness, be flexible, but firm, relies on the opinions of others, but do not depend on it!
Formulate your principles. Here is an example of this principle: “if you be diligent, that everything will turn out.” Realize how much you believe in this principle. Reason: “The experience of many people confirms this principle. Those who do what is trying to not give up, only that something reaches. Hence, I can be sure of this principle. It does not matter what others say! Saying anything can! “. Hold on to this principle. Sometimes it will obscure the question, then returns to your inner self, and again find confirmation of the truth of this idea in the life and experience.
Tip 22 – Learn from life
You do not need to attend any special courses to improve self-confidence. Why do it, why pay money when reality provides many reasons to develop this quality?
Why do you train in any artificial situations when life gives you a chance to hone your skills in real situations?
Self-confidence you need to live, here and learn from life!
More communicate, get acquainted with other people, go to meetings, group activities (better to abstain from alcohol, why – I wrote an article about the sober parties). Use these recommendations to me in practice, take care of yourself, be aware of their fear and uncertainty. Try to understand what things you are not sure why. What are you going to do?
Go for the interview – this is an excellent free lessons business communication and confidence. Just do not forget to put in the summary of your salary above the current level. The higher the salary you ask, the more difficult to prove that you are worthy of the money. But in the process of such communication will strengthen your self-confidence.
A side effect of this training can be something that you will find a more suitable job for a lot of money. Is not it tempting to not pay for the lessons, and to receive?
Tip 23 – to develop themselves
Of course, it is very difficult to be sure of its quality, if these qualities are underdeveloped. Confidence must be based on something real, to your actual worth.
Of course, self-perception, emotional – a very important component of confidence. People need to stop detract from its dignity and learn to cope with doubts about what I wrote above.
Unfortunately, one is not enough. I think, not quite right artificial ways to increase self-esteem people, convincing them that they are better than they really are. Increased self-belief must necessarily be accompanied by work on oneself, self-development, to appear in person what you can be sure.
Hence, develop their personal qualities. How to do this, the focus of this blog. Read my article, try to apply the recommendations. Develop willpower, improve self-control.
Read more books of any orientation: fiction, natural science books, educational books, etc.
Improve their professional quality. Think about what you want to engage in all my life. Follow this goal.
Always strive to learn something new about the world, learn some skills. When you master some skills, increases your confidence in these skills. It is difficult to doubt what you have devoted so much time and what you do better than others.
Think about what you’re good at.
If you constantly learn something, to exercise their skills in practice, to see the impact of their actions, then for lack of confidence will be a lot less space!
Update 22.01.2014: As I read the book Flexible consciousness, is people who think that all their qualities are from nature and can not be modified, less confident than those who believe in the possibility of self-development and growth! Why is this happening? Because people with so-called installation on a given (the quality can not be developed) believe that if they are shy, lack charm, and are not smart enough, it always will be. So they are afraid to communicate, as it once again remind them of their “ineradicable” shortcomings.
But people with the installation of the growth (quality can be developed) on the contrary, do not miss the chance to develop their communication skills and self-confidence. For them, the mere fact that they are not smart and confident does not mean that it always will be. Can they find it difficult to communicate and believe in yourself yet, but it lends itself to development. That is why the failures do not undermine the confidence of the people themselves. They are not afraid to test and only looking for an excuse to develop themselves to become better!
Strange criticism – is not their sentence. It becomes valuable information that they can use for self-development. Failures cease to be failures, they become valuable lessons. Ready for testing and failure, healthy stubbornness and intransigence form in people faith in themselves! And if you do not strive to develop their skills and to consider themselves worthless person who will never be capable of anything, and you will not get anywhere and will not be able to develop self-confidence.
So once again it reminded all qualities can be developed! Everyone can change! You suffer from self-doubt, not because you are “a man”, but because you made no effort to change!
Tip 24 – accept their shortcomings
Did I mention that you should know their strengths. But beyond that, you need to know their limitations. What for? To treat them safely and understand on what you need to work on.
Instead of thinking, “I’m so bad, I do not know how,” you need to think: “I can do this, this and that, but I am weak in this, this and that. Some qualities I can improve, some I do not need, and with some of them I can not do anything. That’s okay, because you can not be perfect. “
Make a list of what you know and what you do turns out badly. And think about what you can afford to improve. Think of these shortcomings are not a given, not something unchanging, but as a front for future work.
Yes, you are something does not know how, but in the future the situation may change, thanks to your efforts. All in your hands. This understanding will give you extra confidence that you are not hurt.
If you believe that any practical qualities can be developed (and it certainly can be), and will strive to do so, then you stop to avoid those situations that you were afraid because of the insecurity. Because, as I said earlier, many of these situations in life is to train your personal qualities.
You do bad things with communications? Instead, to avoid communication, on the contrary, communicate! The only way you will be able to develop their communication skills.
Are you afraid to speak in public, because I think that this is bad you get? There is only one way to learn it, and I think you can guess what.
Do not avoid what fear, work to eliminate its shortcomings, the properties of your personality, which you are not sure. Learn new skills and use these skills into practice in a variety of situations. Rather than give in to difficulties, overcome them, armed with a desire to develop. And then you will discover a lot more opportunities in life than if you were just idle.
If there is something you do not know how, doubt some its capacity, develop it! Why grieve? Try, experiment, be diligent. And if something can not be implemented, then, the more there is no sense to be sad about it! Why worry about what you can not change? Take that!
Tip 25 – Do not wait until you get confident – act
This is the last and most important piece of advice. No need to wait, you will not have any doubts and fears before, for something to decide. You can avail wait for the appearance of this condition all his life, and not starting to do something.
Doubts and fears will not go away. Remember I said that doubt accompany any bold initiative. And you can not be confident until you start to step over their fears, to act contrary to them, not paying attention to their anxiety and uncertainty.
Your goal – to get rid of the fear and learn to ignore it! And the more control you get over it, the smaller it becomes. So do not wait, when it becomes easy to act now, through the power, through the uncertainty. Then life with all its scrapes temper your character and it will be as hard as a diamond, and indestructible like a typhoon!